Being a beginner at something new can be pretty terrifying. I think many instructors and experienced BJJ players forget this. Many people in teaching positions of all sorts sometimes forget this. Nothing makes you feel quite as out of place as being in a room with people who “seem” to know what they are doing. Meanwhile you’re struggling to grasp the most basic movements or concept. The problem is that many experts are so disconnected with how it felt to be new on the mats that they cannot empathize with new comers.

I write this post because one thing that  really gets under my skin is a teacher who gets short with a new person because they don’t pick something up right off the bat. I’ve seen it happen plenty of times in situations over the years. I look at it like this. . . Here you have an excited man or woman who is so pumped up about training. They’ve done their research on the sport and can’t wait to learn the art. Then once they step on the mat, that enthusiasm is blasted by an assault of negativity by their instructor. Small expressions like sighs of disdain or word usage like “no, you’re doing it wrong” go a long way in derailing the positive momentum this prospective student walked in with.  This is unfortunate and robs the would-be practitioner of the amazing benefits of BJJ because of a poor instructor. Why on earth would you treat a person this way??? New or old, there is no excuse for this if you’re an instructor. Remember being a good instructor is not about the medals and accolades you’ve won, it’s about your ability to convey a message or ability to your students.

 

A light bulb went off

There was an experience that I had which made that cartoon light bulb to flicker on above my head. I went salsa dancing with my girlfriend (just dating at the time). Now, she had been dancing for months and months by this time and knew what she was doing. I on the other hand . . . well. . . this was my first time and I was never the most adventurous person on the dance floor to begin with. Honestly I was nervous about the whole situation. EVERYTHING! I mean I was even searching for a guide on the correct attire to wear when Salsa dancing! It’s miraculous that I even made it there for the class, but I was fueled by attraction to this new beautiful young woman I met so I threw my nervousness aside.

When I arrived at the dance club and started moving around in the class, I did fine. I picked up the beginner moves rather easily and I have some rhythm so I wasn’t a lost cause. The eye opening moment occurred when we were switching partners during the class. There ended up being an uneven number of men and women for the class and during one of the switches I was left partner-less. There I was . . . moving my body in an awkward fashion to the latin music. I kept trying to do the movements we were practicing as if I still had a partner. I felt like I was trying to dance with some imaginary woman who was not too thrilled to be my partner. It’s hard to express how strange and out of place I felt.  I must have given off some sort of warning signal like the red light that goes off in a submarine. Because after 20 seconds or so my girlfriend came rushing over to save. . . I mean dance with me. She calmly pushed aside my imaginary partner and we began dancing together.  I was back into the safe harbor of the known and the proverbial red alarm ceased. 

Now during that 20 second period of partner-less dancing is when the light bulb went off. I thought to myself, “this is how new people must feel when they come to BJJ class for the first time”. Awkward, nervous, unsure of what exactly they are doing, etc. Not that I was ever short with people when I taught but I realized how important it is to make a new student feel at ease and how important it is to be as understanding as possible. The experienced also caused me to get very protective over new comers who must feel the same way I felt when I was dancing with my imaginary woman during my salsa lesson.

I started quizzing some of my students about how they felt when they came to their first lesson. Many of them had similar feelings. Fear and anxiety but that it looked really fun and they wanted to learn. One of my students was so nervous in fact, that he couldn’t even walk through the doors of the gym for 6 months. He would drive by and want to stop in but was just too nervous to come in. He said once he came in he was so excited and everyone was so inviting and patient with him. Heck, I remember my first time on the mats and I was incredibly nervous as well.

So whether you’re an instructor or just a higher belt on the mats, help build a helpful and positive atmosphere in your gym. If you are on the mats and you see a fresh new face, try and help them feel comfortable. Remind them that it’s ok to mess things up at first, just as its ok for all of us to mess things up from time to time. Remember, experts in BJJ are simply beginners that never quit.

If you enjoyed reading this then please take these 5 things away from the post.

• Being a good instructor is not about how many tournaments you’ve won.
• Being the new guy/girl on the mat can be terribly awkward, do your best to curb that feeling by being genuine and inviting.
• Introduce yourself to a new person and learn their name. The power of hearing someone call you by your name is powerful.
• Be patient!
• I’m not a good dancer.

Thanks for reading!